Thursday, July 22, 2010

Sometimes you find something that just explains it all...

A friend posted this on facebook this evening; it speaks to me on so many levels.
I think it's ingenius! Thank you, Carolyn for writing from the heart!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Friendship Sucks...

Think about it. Think about friends, friendship. It sucks.... at least to me it does. It's caused me a lot of heartache and thought lately.

In the past few months I've had some "friendship" moments. I wrote a blog post about a friend who blind-sided me. That really bothered me; still does.

Then, the other night at soccer, my daughter's team was playing the team one of my "best friend's" children are playing on (apparently... I didn't know they were playing this year). Their mom and I were chatting; we haven't talked in person since before Christmas. It was awkward!
 We used to be the best of friends. Through thick and thin. Through pregnancies. Then, life happened. Life with children. Life goes on.


See, since having children, my "friendship life" has dwindled. Life, rightfully so, has been all about breastfeeding & diapers, sleepless nights, visits to Grandma's house, juggling work and home life..... An occasional play date with my mom friends. A birthday party here or there. Everything friend-like became centred around our children.

With the thick-and-thin friend above, over time and five children between us, I wondered who this uber-cool, ultra-perfect, my-children-are-perfect, I-must-plan-a-picnic woman was! Wow! All of a sudden I was seeing a side to this friend I didn't recognize at all. The whole phoney Martha Stewart/ keep up with the Jones' act was wearing thin.
We had grown apart.

So... that makes me down two of my closest friends in a couple of paragraphs.

Then tonight I got a Facebook message from my oldest, dearest friend. (We haven't seen one another in maybe 2 years and we live only an hour away from each other.  We've only chatted on FB infrequently, lately.)  It brought tears to my eyes. I smiled.

See, we lead totally different lives now. There was a time when we would spend every single weekend sleeping over each other's houses; we told each other everything; we made it through some iffy-situations. We were two peas in a pod. And I hold onto every memory of our friendship from way back when, just as I'm sure, she does. I had tears in my eyes because as she spoke of my children (she has chosen not to have any) and the love I must have for them, she wrote about how she takes time to check in on my life through FB, checks out my pictures, watches my children grow. Only she would be able to pinpoint that aspect of my life in a few succinct words. Only she would be the one who would make me blink back the tears, smile a big smile, and be utterly grateful for the life with my children that I have. And all our friendship is now is memories.

That is why friendship sucks. I'm at a time in my life where friends and friendship take a backseat to family life. And friendship sucks because I'm a big softy and I hold on to all the memories with my once closest friends. I don't want our lives to change.... my views of our friendship to change. I don't want my friends to change. I don't want time to get in the way. I don't want time to change.
Friendship sucks.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Moments of Peace

Ok. I know it's only week 1 of summer vacation, but with this sudden minor heat wave, I've got some cranky, whiney kids on my hands! (If only I had the octopus genes so I could manage getting the 3 of us to the beach... it's nearly impossible!)

So, I've been seeking moments of peace. Little Mommy Time Outs. (I'm having one write right now!):

  • When Caillou or Imagination Movers are on TV
  • When 17 month old is completely engaged in eating, in his high chair & 4 & 1/2 year old is eating anything from her favourite foods list (anything that's pasta)
  • When I sneak up and out of bed before they get up and I check out twitter and have a cup of coffee
  • A little afternoon escapade that results in a double nap in the backseat (I've been known to park somewhere and relish the silence!)
  • Sitting on the deck watching the kids run and play in the yard... nicely.... together... like they get along
  • At about 10pm-12am when I either sit on the deck with the laptop or a book or simply sit in the big arm chair and completely veg.
  • A simple burst of fiddle tunes on the tv/radio/iPod/computer
  • Hearing this song on the Holiday Inn commercial on tv
  • And, I'd be remiss if I didn't admit that I do find it completely peaceful when either of them sneak up on me and give me a great big hug, or simply snuggle in beside me on the couch.
How/where do you find your moments of peace?

Peace.... sigh....
(It also comes in liquid wine, coffee, latte, etc)

Monday, July 5, 2010

School Thoughts: Thanks to @CoffeesCommutes

Wow. Decisions, decisions, eh?

Like Christine (@CoffeesCommutes), my daughter will be starting school in the fall. While we didn't have the Catholic vs. Public debate that Christine and her hubby had where we live, we did have the choice between the small rural school where I teach vs. the larger slightly more (and I stress *slightly* lol) urban school down the road.

Our decision was fueled by many thoughts:
  • I teach at the school so I would be there -- Bonus.
  • Originally I was going to be teaching her for 2 subjects -- Wasn't sure how that would go.
  • She has been going to the school with me for different events her whole life. She knows the school, the staff, the students. -- Bonus.
  • To go to the other school would mean having to arrange afterschool childcare at my home -- not exactly easy.
What secured our decision to send her to the small school where I teach was values & morals and the way other children who go to that school are raised. We want our daughter to be surrounded by wholesome children...  where having the best brandname clothing doesn't necessarily matter and it's ok to be 11 and still believe in Santa Claus, for instance. I can honestly say there's something about the children I teach at this school. They're good kids; they're wholesome!

However, this spring saw some disheartening attitudes and scenarios with regards to the school, some parents, etc. Some people were hurt (emotionally) and discouraged. And, we were left wondering if we wanted these darker moments to possibly influence our daughter when she goes to school. After some longgggggggggggggg thought processes, discussions, rants, etc, we decided that what makes the school special is the teachers, the students, the community... it's way more complex than just a few instances.
As @KidsCrafts told Christine on twitter,
School whether Catholic or public is defined by teachers that hopefully inspire, but there are no guarantees.

Her heart is set on starting school there. MY heart is with that school.
Sometimes you just have to follow your heart.... and there are no guarantees.

Friday, July 2, 2010

a long sigh coming

Hear that?
Yeah, that.
It's me.... letting out a huge sigh.
Welcome, Summer Vacation!
It seems so weird for me to embrace summer vacation with such vigor and need. I'm the one who usually keeps working well into July (I'm a teacher, for those of you who may not be aware.)
I cannot lie. Since returning to work from maternity/parental leave, life has not been a picnic. I've been tired, busy beyond comprehension, cranky, irritable, feeling and looking fat, questioning life, questioning morals, questioning just about everything. I don't think summer vacation could have come at a better time.

So what is my plan for this summer?
Well, I plan to relax at home with my kiddies, in our pajamas or grungy clothes for extended periods of time. We'll swim in my aunt's pool whenever the weather allows. We'll go to the beach as much as possible.

I'm gonna read what I want.... which is copious amounts of magazines, blogs, and 3 novels I want to finish.

I'm taking a weekend away from family with my cousin. Tenting. Beer. Music. Heavenly.

We're taking a family vacation to PEI for a week, followed by my cousin's wedding in New Brunswick -- a 4 day affair for us, as we'll be back to school shopping for my daughter who'll be starting school in September.... and who has an uncanny addiction to H&M... go figure.

If all goes according to plans, I'll also lose 5-10 pounds this summer. (hardy har har... that would mean less beer, I'm thinking)


It sounds so..... due. In due time they say.

A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking. ~Earl Wilson

Let's see how this summer plays out. I'm counting on it!